To the Girl wearing the Tiara.

So I understand that it’s your birthday, but why are you wearing a Tiara?  I’m all for celebrating your one day out of the year and going all out for it. Thats why I like to go to Hooters and do the Hoola-Hoop thing.

But why a Tiara?  Is it because you are still Daddy’s little princess? You are 28 years old now, and I think that shipped sailed after you cussed out the bartender  for not giving you an extra orange wedge in your Cosmo and licked some sort of shot out of some other girls navel. Wear something else, maybe a sign or even some sort of Sash, I don’t know. But a Tiara? The whole Tiara Act is Tired. You aren’t fooling anybody.